I had the hardest
time coming up with a lesson for Sunday at the retreat. What do I want women to learn? The most important thing I could ever teach
is for them to love Jesus. To seek to
honor and glorify Him in everything we say and everything we do. Before we react, before we fly off the
handle, before we say anything, we need to pray and ask God to help us.
So what have I been
learning? Over the course of a few years
now, I’ve learned that life is not fair.
You may have learned that a long time ago. And I guess I’ve always kind of known
it. But I had never experienced it.
I grew up a very
normal life. I have Godly parents, we
went to church and were involved, we didn’t have any major issues at least that
I knew of.
At the age of 15, I
knew I wanted to somehow work in ministry as an adult. I couldn’t think of anything else I wanted to
do. I also knew at age 16 that I wanted
to marry Dustin Janney. It was just
meant to be, and I knew it with my whole heart.
I did marry Dustin
Janney and we did start working in ministry.
And things happened that weren’t fair.
I don’t want to make this all about me.
It’s not a “whoas me, I’m so sad.”
But I’m sharing this to come to another point.
Things happened in
my family, pretty much all across the board, that weren’t fair. People in ministry that we thought loved us,
well, it turned out that they didn’t.
They said mean things.
And I found out
that life is not fair. There are some
deep, dark valleys. Your husband may not
love you. You might not love your husband. You might have gotten a horrible report from
the doctor. Your financial life might be
in absolute ruin. Maybe you did nothing
to contribute to that at all. But you’re
still paying the price.
You might be
getting persecuted at school. Your parents
weren’t/aren’t nice to you. You may have
lost someone dear to you.
It might not even
be that big. Maybe it’s just daily
life. You work so hard to make others
happy. And they just never are. You feel like you can’t do anything
right. You spin yourself around and
around, and you tiptoe around, hoping you’ll say things just right so you don’t
make anyone mad. But you end up doing it
wrong (although you might not even know what was wrong about it) and then you
feel bad and you beat yourself up about it.
Life is not
fair.
If you know me, you
know I like to run. Well, I like the feeling after a run. One reason I like to run is that I like to
get out of the house in the outdoors and it’s just so beautiful outside. I love the neighborhood I am blessed to run
in, and the sights of the big tall trees, the rabbits on the outskirts of the
woods, the pond and the sun rising on the horizon…I love it and I think of God
and I feel so close to Jesus when I am out there. I sometimes am begging Him to help me get
through my work out.
But there was one
particular day that I was running and I was feeling so sad. I was just honest with God. I said, “God, it is just not fair!!!! I don’t
think You even wanted that to happen.
And I’m not even upset for me, but all the other people it affected…it’s
not fair, God, it’s just not fair!!!”
And I promise you,
as clear as He could be, God said to me, “Brooke, it’s not about fair or
unfair. It’s about ME.”
And I was so
stinkin’ humbled at that. I felt like an
ant. I felt so small and just thought
about Job and how God took everything from Him, and when Job started the same
game I was playing, God put him in his place with saying things like:
“Where were you
when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell
me, if you understand. Who marked off
its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across
it? On what were its footings set, or
who laid its cornerstone while the morning stars sang together and all the
angels shouted for joy? Who shut up the
sea behind doors when it burst forth from the womb, when I made the clouds its
garment and wrapped it in thick darkness, when I fixed limits for it and set
its doors and bars in place, when I said, This far you may come and no farther;
here is where your proud waves halt?
Have you ever
given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place, that it might take
the earth by the edges and shake the wicked out of it?
Have you
journeyed to the springs of the sea or walked in the recesses of the deep? Have the gates of death been shown to you?
Have you seen the gates of the shadow of death?
Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth? Tell me, if you know all this.”
So I thought about
Job on my run and how God said all of that, and more, to him. How Job lost so much more and God basically
said, “I am God. I know more than
you.”
And in that moment,
when I realized that life is not fair or unfair, it’s just really all about
God, I had this freeing moment. What
would life be like if we didn’t walk around saying everything bad that happened
to us is unfair? If we had this
foundation before the storms came, that we were safe in God? And that brought me to think, why are we not
safe in God?
For me, it’s
because I get scared. I’m scared of bad
things happening. I get terrified and I
can let my imagination run. And I
probably don’t totally trust that God has my best interest at heart.
I haven’t come to a
place where I continually long for Him.
I have times in my life where I do.
But not all the time. I’m not
always safe in Him. I don’t always trust Him with my whole life. I hold back.
But He is GOD and I
AM NOT. So I should not hold back. I need to read Job every day. I need to realize that bad things are so
going to happen. It’s a result of sin
and the fallen world and there’s not one thing I can do to change what was set
in motion in that garden thousands of years ago.
I also need to
realize that everything I do is for HIS glory.
The neighborhood I live in is to bring Him glory. The people I meet when I run is to bring Him
glory. Not so I can get a cool medal
when I do a really long race.
When I pick up my
girls from school, when I do laundry, when I cook for my family, when I don’t
have an emotional meltdown at the drop of a hat, it’s all for HIM.
One of my youth
girls that is here this weekend, one time told me that after youth camp, she
had to clean the bathrooms at home. She hates cleaning the bathrooms. But this
particular time, she cleaned the bathrooms and thought, I’m doing this for God.
And it made cleaning the bathrooms better.
I can’t really tell
you the purpose of me writing this except that I believe it’s what God had for
me to do. And I say that with all of the
humbleness in me. I do not have all of the answers. I am so not perfect. My mom and sister are here, and you can ask
them. I question God. I don’t know why He has done some stuff. I get scared of things and I realize it’s
because I’m not trusting in God enough. That I even draw away from Him at times
because of fear. I definitely have
issues.
But I’ve learned,
and am continually learning, that life is for Him. On a day that I can see with my spiritual
eyes instead of physical, that is a successful day. When I can see that I handled my emotions
correctly, I treated my daughters with loving respect even while disciplining,
I love my husband even when I think he’s wrong, I’ve bit my tongue instead of
spilling gossip, I’ve prayed before I said what I wanted to
say/email/text/Facebook comment…that is a day that I feel like I’ve brought Him
the glory He so much deserves.
It is not about
fair or unfair. It’s only about God: El
Shaddai, the Lord Almighty, El Elyon, the Most High God, Adonai, My Lord and
Master, Jehovah Nissi, The Lord my Banner, Jehovah-Rapha, the Lord that Heals,
Jehovah Shammah, The Lord is There, and Jehovah Jireh: The Lord Will
Provide.
