So at the risk of upsetting someone due to both of those things, I decided to go ahead and write it. I am still worried about sounding prideful and hurting someone that hasn't had a prayer answered...while at the same time, I want to tell a story of what God has done for our family.
Way back in the early spring of 2012, Dustin and I talked about our wish to have another baby. Not just another baby, but a baby boy. We started nonchalantly praying for a baby, but we didn't feel like we could actually pray for a baby boy. We felt selfish. So, we just prayed for a baby. One night at dinner, we had Carley pray for our meal. We had filled her and Baileigh in on our desire to have a baby; we didn't specify if we wanted a girl or boy at the time. But when Carley prayed, she prayed very openly and with confidence: "God, help us to have a baby boy!" Dustin and I just kinda smiled at each other...like, oh how cute, look how confident she is that God would just answer that. And then we ate dinner.
At the time, we were doing a study with our church called 40 Days in the Word. As I was doing devotions the next morning, and I was praying for a baby, God said to me that the way Carley prayed was the right way to pray. Why not ask Me for a baby boy, He said. If you desire one, I've put that desire in you. And I want to provide you a baby boy. But it's going to be in My time. Right now, you just go off of birth control and let me work in My time.
I went off the birth control and shared with Dustin what I felt the Lord was saying to me. Immediately, we started praying specifically for a baby boy.
I will admit that I thought it was going to happen right away. I got excited and one week in the summer of 2012, I took about 5 pregnancy tests, fully expecting them to be positive. I was saddened when they weren't. But we continued to pray. The girls included. Carley and Baileigh were part of the prayers every night.
There were a few months that everything was going well, but then all of a sudden, in October 2012, my monthly cycle stopped. God, in His infinite wisdom, didn't allow me for a while to seek medical help. But eventually, He did release me to do so. I went to my doctor, and eventually, over the summer of 2013, I was put on Chlomid.
The first round didn't work at all. I called my doctor and asked for a higher dose. They were gracious enough to give it to me.
There was a week where it seemed like this round didn't work either, but then a week later, there was a glimmer of hope!
And then, on Saturday, August 24th, 2013, I went for it. My girls were staying at my parent's house while Dustin and I served at the Back to School Kick-off. After I dropped them off, I went by the store, bought a test, and with heart pounding, I came home and took it.
Almost immediately, I saw the word I had long awaited to read: PREGNANT! I cried, and praised God, and cried some more, and praised some more! I went to the Back to School Kick-off in the best mood ever. I took some pictures of the students with my iphone, where earlier I had taken a picture of the positive pregnancy test.
That night, I came home before Dustin as he stayed at the church and did the final clean up. I was in bed with the lights off, you know, just so he wouldn't suspect anything. I talked to him for a while and asked questions, before giving him my phone and saying, "I took some pictures tonight, you can look at them." So he looked at the pictures of the evening, and then as he scrolled past the last one of the students, he saw this one:
From the beginning, I just knew God was giving us a boy. I didn't know if He was "right now," or if I'd have another pregnancy and have a boy, but I just had this faith that God was going to give us one. I really felt like He promised it that morning in the spring of 2012.
As the weeks progressed, my pregnancy was different than the ones with my girls. I was sick, but not nearly as sick as I was with Carley & Baileigh. This, to me, was an indication of the gender of this new life in side of me.
At 15 weeks, we took the girls to a fun 3-D ultrasound to officially find out that, yes, indeed...we were having a BOY!
We were excited in the ultrasound room, but as soon as we stepped out of the building, Dustin said, "ok, are you ready?" And we all broke into a celebration dance! The baby we had prayed for 18 months was on his way!
I know in the grand scheme of things, 18 months does not seem like a long time. But there were some excruciating times when I felt like a failure; other women seemed to have it so easy getting pregnant, why was it so hard for me? It had happened twice before for me, why couldn't it again? And why wasn't I happy enough with the two beautiful girls God had already blessed us with?
For the record, what got me through some of the rough patches was knowing I had these two precious girls to care for and raise. And I was content with that, I really was. Except for knowing that God had promised that I would someday have a baby boy.
I am currently 37 weeks and 5 days pregnant with Jeremy Dustin Janney, II. I can't wait to meet him. I can't wait to see what a son of ours will look like. I can't wait to see him admire his daddy and want to be just like him. I can't wait to see my girls make over him and take care of him and annoy him. I can't wait to hold him and rock him and feed him and get to know what it's like to have a son.
To God be the glory. May my son's life be a testimony to the HOPE we have in our God.
